Super Bowl XLVII: MTV Unplugged Edition

Alright, who the hell plugged in a space heater?

When the lights inside the Superdome went out last night all I could do is sit back and laugh. I mean, first of all, I found it hilarious that one of the most elaborately choreographed events in all of American sports was subject to the same kind of technical disaster usually reserved for the most amateur of sporting endeavors. Second, the thought of all those millionaires and billionaires who paid thousands upon thousands of dollars to attend freaking out and preparing their class action lawsuits by candle light gave me a good chuckle. It was high comedy.

That said, I live in New Orleans and have come to know the city well so one of three likely scenarios popped into my head for why the lights went out. Either the homeless population that had been wrangled up and put into hiding by the city finally said enough is enough and stopped peddling the bicycles that were hooked up to the power supply, an old woman two blocks over plugged in a space heater, OR Drew Brees and Sean Payton were underneath the Superdome toggling breaker switches in gleeful delight.

While scenario number one seems most likely (all the homeless people who mysteriously disappeared had to go somewhere), and option two seems plausible (People in New Orleans love space heaters when the temp drops below 65* F). I wouldn’t even begin to rule out option #3.

Now, according to these schematics, if we cut the red wire the power will go out. But, if we cut the blue wire… mass destruction for all MUWAHAHAHA!

There is also a possibility that New Orleans was keeping up with it’s well earned reputation as being the most corrupt city in America and one of the hundreds of dirty politicians, police officers, or business owners was directly responsible. I wouldn’t at all be surprised if we come to find out three years from now that Mayor Mitch Landrieu was on the phone with some mob of rogue city officials trying to negotiate a deal for the safe return of power to the Superdome during Super Bowl XLVII. Think Jimmy Carter negotiating the safe release and return of hostages just hours before Ronald Reagan was to be sworn into office.

Of course the most likely scenario, as pointed out by several hundreds of people was that Bane had taken New Orleans hostage. I can’t lie. I was totally rooting for this scenario as it was happening. I had talked myself into actually believing that CBS would come back from commercial with Bane at the 50 yard line speaking garbbled nonsense about giving the city back to the people. Words cannot begin to express the level of disappointment when they returned with Steve Tasker.

When Gotham… err… New Orleans… When New Orleans is ashes you have my permission to die.

Steve Taskar < Bane. True Story.

But seriously, this was embarrassing for the city of New Orleans. Everyone was hoping to parlay Super Bowl XLVII into another Super Bowl five years from now. It’s all anyone talked about, especially the political head honchos.

While I doubt the NFL will remove NOLA from future considerations (admit it, NFL top men love to party and there’s no better place to do that than New Orleans) I think this opens the window for another city to swoop in and snatch up the next available Super Bowl spot that New Orleans was looking to capture. If the next year’s New York City Super Bowl goes off without a hitch there’s always the possibility that another cold weather city could sneak in and snatch up a Super Bowl.

Laissez les bon temps… aww crap.

So while Super Bowl XLVII proved to be one of the more entertaining Super Bowls, it provided a moment that will be better remembered than the game itself. 20 years from now people may not be talking about how the Ravens beat the 49ers, but they will most likely be talking about how the lights went out that one time at the Super Bowl in New Orleans.

So please, New Orleans… pay your electric bill.

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