Dear Jimmy Haslam,
Ooooooooh Jimmy! Welcome to the Thunderdome my friend, or rather the closest thing we have to it on God’s green earth.
You fired Pat Shurmur. You fired Tom Heckert. Now you have to replace them. To be honest, I have only one thing to say to you.
You see, by making these changes and bringing in your own guys, whoever they may be, you are taking your first official steps towards putting your own personal stamp on this franchise. You could have easily stepped in, bided your time, and made changes next year or even the year after. After all, the team had shown some promise of improvement. But no, you decided that change needed to happen and it needed to happen now. For that, we are all eternally grateful.
Let’s be honest, we all hated Shurmur. We hated his stupid west coast offense, his awful press conferences, and his general lack of fire and passion. I mean, hell… his name was Pat. Admittedly, it’s not his fault that his parents hated him from the moment he was born, but Pat doesn’t really instill fear and intimidation. All I can think of is “It’s Pat!”
But I digress.
The point I’m trying to make is that buying the Browns and promising us a winner was a nice story. You rode in on a shiny white horse to save the day and we immediately loved you for it. But, rest assured that if you mess this up… God help you, Jimmy. God help you.
While we hold no significant ill will against your horse, we will have no problem telling you to go eff yourself.
It’s not personal. It just stems from the fact that over the course of the past 14 seasons we have endured enough losing to last a life time. We’re sick of it. We want a winner and we don’t care how we get it or who we have to destroy in order to get it. We’ve grown impatient with rebuilding every 3.5 years. We don’t want to have a new quarterback every other year. We want stability. We want to experience the playoffs. We want to win.
Most importantly… We want to be relevant again.
Remember, when you bought the Browns you didn’t just buy a football team’s future. Along with it you bought a fan base and a football past scarred from years of humiliation and sucker punch losses. The Drive, The Fumble, and The Move might not mean anything to you, but they very much mean something to us and we’re sick and tired of being defined by them. As hard as we try and as much as we hope there is no escaping what we are until we reach the potential of what we can become.
That’s why this coaching search is so important. Read the paper, listen to the radio. It’s all we’re talking about. All of us are holding our collective breathes in anticipation of who you’re going to hire to take us to the promised land.
Notice I didn’t say “hopefully take us to the promised land.” We’re done hoping and wishing and dreaming for something to happen. From this day forward we need to change the culture not just of the team, but of the fan base as well. We need to stop hoping for change. We must expect and even demand it.
So Jimmy, we demand that you gets us the right coach and we fully expect that he is going to be the one to finally take us to the Super Bowl. None of this hiring my former defensive coordinator’s nephew who also happens to have the same agent as me bull crap that we saw under Mike Holmgren. No more hiring guys out of thin air and selling us on how they are a bright young mind with a lot of potential. Get us someone who is an actual coach and knows what they hell they are doing. Whether it’s Chip Kelly, Bill O’Brien, or even Nick Saban… We don’t care. Just get it right.
And if you don’t?
Well, just know that Cleveland can be a very cold and unforgiving place…
And I’m not just talking about the weather.