Browns Monday Mailbag

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I’ll be back, baby!

The Browns played a game Yesterday… and holy carp they won, again! Too bad I didn’t get to see it because my stupid DirectTV decided it wanted to record 4 hours of black screen instead of the game. So bear with me. A lot of this is about to based on what I think happened and this is going to be a lot shorter than normal. Let’s hear it for journalistic integrity… of which I have none. Guess that means it’s time for another Browns Monday Mailbag, the only Browns mail bag on the internet where the emails are 100% fake, but still find a way to be 100% blatantly honest.

And just like that we have won two in a row and three out of our last five. Hell, you can even go as far to say the Browns have won 4 out of their last seven and if it wasn’t for some bad breaks that had absolutely nothing to do with how Pat Shurmur coaches a football team, this team could have won every single game during that span. So, now what? Does this actually mean the fearless leader of the Cleveland Browns will be back in 2013? It sure seems like it, asshole. Go on, try to work your way out of this one. There seems to be growing sentiment that Shurmur shouldn’t be fired after all. Do you really think it’s in the best interest of the Browns to start over again!?! Huh! Do’ya!?!? -Pat, Cleveland

God… damn it…

I have to admit, when I place all of my Pat Shurmur hate aside and look at things objectively the Browns are actually a half decent football team. Is it really possible that he’s getting better at this whole coaching thing? I don’t know what to believe anymore. My whole world feels like it’s been flipped upside down. Up is down. Black is white. The Browns might be good. Holy crap!

While I’m beginning to agree that Shurmur and the Browns have looked better over the past two weeks, I’m not about to go overboard here. It was the Steelers with Charlie Batch and 8 freaky turnovers and one of the worst Raiders team of all time. Let’s see them actually beat a team they’re not supposed to beat for a change. Good thing Kansas City is next on the schedule. Only a moron could screw that one up, but if Shurmur finds a way to win it and in the process put together a winning streak fans are going to lose their minds and all proper perspective.

What the hell is this crap?!?! Are the Raiders really this bad? What happened to just win baby? Carson Palmer… are we sure you’re the correct Carson Palmer and not some guy we picked up off a park bench in Fresno? Seriously, I feel like I’m in my own personal hell watching this team every single Sunday… Oh Wait. -Al, Own Personal Hell

Ya, it’s sad watching the Raiders be as awful as they are right now. It’s especially sad because they have such a rich tradition and looked as if they had begun to figure things out a few years ago. But, having 45 coaches in a 6 month span will reek havoc on a team and the Raiders are the prime example for that. Just win, baby? More like just hope we avoid any and all catastrophic injuries on a weekly basis. This is just brutal.

You see… What ha-happened there was… It just… I don’t know… -Phil, Cleveland

It’s OK, Phil. You missed a field goal. It happens. Now, while I realize that this doesn’t happen very often for you just remember that we still love you. So what if you missed a kick? It doesn’t change the fact that you’re still the greatest Brown of the post expansion era. Try not to get yourself too down about it. It happens. Let it go. Besides, the Browns still won the game and in the process helped aid in Pat Shurmur’s job security.

Wait a minute… Phil! I see what you were trying to do with that missed kick. You’re the best.


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