Browns Monday Mailbag… On a Tuesday

The Browns played a game Sunday… and holy carp they won! it was actually semi-watchable/not completely terrible! Oh, and it was the Steelers so it feels like it was worth about 15 wins and not just 1 worthless win. That means it’s time for another Browns Monday Mailbag… On a Tuesday, the only Browns mail bag on the internet where the emails are 100% fake, but still find a way to be 100% blatantly honest.

So, let’s take a look at the situation as it currently stands. The Browns are 3-8 coming off of a win against the Steelers. They’ve now won two division games this season with one more left to go. They have the lowly Raiders and Chiefs in back to back weeks, both of which are winnable games. Going into the Washington game at home, another winnable game if everything falls right, the Browns could be riding a 3 game winning streak with Denver, a probable loss, and a second Pittsburgh game, maybe it’s winnable, left on the schedule. The Browns could realistically end the season 7-9 if by winning 5 out of their last 6 games. So, smart guy… Does Shurmur keep his job? -Pat, Cleveland

*Cracks open a bottle of Jack Daniels…*


… Do you people realize what this means? Do you honestly realize the ramifications of what might happen here? If Shurmur rights the ship and somehow finishes the year a miraculous 7-9… He could be back. Think about it. 7-9 isn’t nearly as bad as we thought it would be. Throw in the fact that the Browns have a handful of games they could’ve or should’ve won (Philadelphia, Cincinnati, both Baltimore games, Indianapolis, and Dallas) and you can make the case for him to keep his job. If the one or two plays that swung those games go the opposite way, the Browns would be looking at 12-4 or 13-3… Is this really happening? Am I having some kind of post-loss, alcohol induced, blackout nightmare? What the hell is going on here? Well isn’t this just effing dandy. Pat Shurmur back in 2013. The horror… the hhhhhhooooorrrrrrrooooorrrrrr…

I know Colt. The thought of Shurmur coming back makes my head hurt too.

Hey… whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat’s uuuuuuuuuuuuuup!?!? Have you seen my backpack, I need to make it to class… or something. What was I doing? I like turtles. Whaaaaaaaaaaat’s uuuuuuuuuup… Balls. – Brandon, Locked in an equipment room

Brandon, I think it’s probably for the best that you just take a seat in a nice comfortable chair and not do anything except breathe and blink for the next four days. I think that Joe Thomas knee cap to the back of your skull has you acting a bit out of character. Besides, if the Browns are going to win on Sunday in Oakland and keep the Pat Shurmur in 2013 dreams on life support, they’re going to need you out there playing at 100%. It’s clear from the play calls once you came out that they have absolutely no faith in Colt McCoy to do anything at this point.

Speaking of which…

This sucks! They don’t ever let me have any fun. I finally get a chance to put my helmet on a go out onto the field and all they have me do is handoff to Trent. This isn’t fair! Why doesn’t anyone like me? I’m a good guy, right? Screw it… at least my wife is hot. HOOK’EM HORNS! -Colt, Kid’s table

Colt… This is tough. I was one of your biggest supporters heading into the season because I didn’t feel like you were given a legit chance to succeed last season or compete for the starting job this season. Now, having said that, Brandon Weeden is so much better than you. The differences are like night and day. His arm is just so much better than yours and he’s willing to take more chances down the field. Again, I don’t know if it’s because Josh Gordon is a stud and Greg Little is a year improved or if Weeden is just better, but he gives me hope. You understand where I’m coming from, right?

I hate everyone… -Mike, Pittsburgh

Ya, well… everyone hates you too. NEXT!

Eight turnovers… Is Mike Tomlin gonna have to choke a bitch?

Do the Browns realize that they have probably the most reliable kicker in the NFL right now? Dawson hasn’t missed a field goal since November of last season and that was a 52 yard attempt. Take that one out of the equation and how long could this streak of made kicks be? Even I realize that you don’t want to have to overpay for a kicker considering it’s one of the few positions where you can literally pick someone up off the street to do on a weekly basis, but that kind of consistency doesn’t just happen. Throw in the fact that he kicks half of his field goals in the wind tunnel that is Cleveland Browns Stadium and one game in Pittsburgh’s wacky wind mill each season and it’s even more remarkable what Dawson has done. Mark my words… If the Browns don’t sign Dawson to a multi-year extension, they will rue the day. -Phil, Cleveland

Phil… I couldn’t agree more. Kickers are a dime a dozen, but when you get an elite one, you hang on to him for dear life. Who would you feel more comfortable kicking the kick to take you to the Super Bowl, Phil Dawson or some rookie free agent with a “big leg?” I’m sorry, I’m taking Phil. He’s money. Plus, the loyalty he’s shown to this franchise has to be worth something. He’s been the team’s most consistent performer since their return and he deserves a contract for life. In fact, put him in the ring of honor right now.

Don’t take this view for granted…

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