Browns Monday Mailbag… On a Tuesday

The Browns played a game yesterday Sunday… and wow, did they ever stink up the joint. It was completely unwatchable. Man, they’re awful. I guess that means it’s time for another Browns Monday Mailbag, the only Browns mail bag on the internet where the emails are 100% fake, but still find a way to be 100% blatantly honest.

Will my work ever slow back down to a point where these Browns Monday Mailbag and the site itself can get back to a regular format? Brian, New Orleans

To quote the always wise magic 8 ball… “Don’t count on it.”

So ummm… ya. I just, I don’t know what to say. The Browns didn’t come out flat, per say. It was more like they just didn’t execute. That’s my genuine opinion on the subject. The important part is that the Browns competed on Sunday. I can’t say they didn’t play hard, but they didn’t play ha… all that well. Clearly, most of this has to fall on the players because it OBVIOUSLY isn’t Shurmur’s fault. No way. Remember, he’s a genius. -Pat, Monster.com

Oh Pat. I don’t know where you come up with some of this stuff. OBVIOUSLY, this does fall on Shurmur. The Browns were genuinely awful and genuinely did not play hard. They came out flat, regardless of how they want to spin it, and they couldn’t find a way to beat a team that lost its most explosive offensive weapon in the first quarter. How does Pat Shurmur still have a job? How much longer do we need to keep watching this crap? And the press conferences… Oh my God. I don’t think it would be possible for Shurmur to get any more boring. And we thought Bill Bellichick was bad back in the 90’s.

Four carries in the second half. Four! FOUR EFFING TOUCHES! Are you kidding me? The game was actually close in the second half and the Browns decided to hand the ball off to Trent Richardson only four times? Did they forget to watch the game tape from the Cincinnati game? Was everyone drinking tea over on the sidelines during his touchdown run? What the hell are they doing? Why are they making a rookie quarterback, in his third regular season start, try to win the game with his arm? -Brandon, Back of the bar

I have no idea what the Browns were thinking. They were in position to actually win this game for a while and inexplicably decided to throw, and then throw again… and then throw some more. Made no sense. And while I understand that the Bills were loading up the line of scrimmage and stacking the box against the run and daring the Browns to throw, they still need to give their best and most dangerous offensive weapon more than four chances to break one for a big game. Then again, why would the Browns do something like that when Brandon Weeden can throw 15 passes off of Greg Little’s stone hands?

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! DAMN YOU USAMA YOUNG!!!! HOW ARE YOU GOING TO PLAY FOR THE FIRST TIME ALL SEASON ON THE DEFENSIVE SIDE OF THE BALL AND HURT C.J. FRIGGIN’ SPILLER!?!?! WHY!?!?! TELL ME! I DEMAND AN EXPLANATION!!! YOU MAY HAVE SINGLE HANDEDLY CRIPPLED MY FANTASY TEAM FOR THE NEXT FEW WEEKS OR POSSIBLE THE SEASON IF FRED JACKSON MAKES A COMEBACK AND STEALS BACK HIS STARTING SPOT! GAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH! -Brian, New Orleans

Hey! Only one email per person, per mailbag. What the hell do you think you’re trying to pull here? As for Young, he needed to play and he needed to play well, which I feel like he did. He was flying all over the field and hitting with some serious authority. He needs to keep that up and earn the money the Browns are paying him. On a related note… WHAT THE HELL USAMA YOUNG!?!?!?

So with all of the old, legendary Browns in attendance, and the new owner present to watch the game in person, the Browns managed to pull off that craptastic display? Seriously? What’s a bigger indictment of this team and this coaching staff, the fact that they couldn’t build on last week’s positive performance or that they laid such an egg with all of those people watching? How long before I fire all of their asses? Haslam fired all of their asses? -Timmy Naslam, Tennessee

Ya, that’s another important point about Sunday’s game. With all of the Browns legends there to watch the game, the Browns reverted back to their sloppy, sluggish, incompetent ways. How? Does this team get any type of motivation out of anything ever? If I were Jimmy Haslam, I’d say screw it and fire everyone as soon as I took over. This season is a lost cause so why delay the inevitable? During his interview you could just sense the disgust building for what he was being forced to watch.

Weeden was awful. Despite what he had to say about his own performance, there’s no way anyone in the locker room could actually believe he had a decent game. He’s supposed to be more mature and smarter than that. Guess not. Own up to the mistakes and the lackluster performance and vow to get better. Also, I probably could have suited up and played better, even with diminishing skills. -Bernie, Miami FL

You’re probably right. Almost anyone could have strapped some shoulder pads on and played better than Weeden. He obviously didn’t have it. Everyone could see that. With that in mind, like I said earlier… why make it so he has to win you the game when he’s playing like that? It’ll be interesting to see how he rebounds this week heading into a hostile environment in Baltimore, against one of the best defenses in football, AND on short rest. Which Weeden is the real Weeden, the weeks 1 and 3 version or the week 2 version? Call me crazy, but I have a feeling week 4 is going to look a lot like weeks 1 and 3.

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