The Browns played a game yesterday… and they didn’t completely suck. it was actually watchable! That means it’s time for another Browns Monday Mailbag, the only Browns mail bag on the internet where the emails are 100% fake, but still find a way to be 100% blatantly honest.
What the f#*@ was Buster Skrine doing yesterday against A.J. Green!?!? Has he ever played defense before? And what about the rest of the secondary? How do you line up offsides twice in the same game? Do any of them actually know how to tackle? That was embarrassing. -Joe, Childhood bedroom, FL
Ya, thata pretty bad performance by the Browns secondary yesterday. You could definitely tell they were missing Joe Haden. With him gone it was up to less talented players to cover a freak like A.J. Green and needless to say, it didn’t go well. And what about that catch and run by Andrew Hawkins? No body touched him. Granted he looked like he was moving at the speed of light, but my God, somebody tackle someone. Joe Haden can’t get back soon enough.
Holy Shit!!! Where did that offensive explosion come from? Shurmur must be a genius!!! -Pat, Underground lair, OH
Pat, I have no idea how you keep making it through my super advanced, state of the art email filters, but congratulations, you’ve made it once again. And while I agree the Browns looked a hell of a lot better offensively, let’s not get too carried away. Most of what we saw yesterday, particularly two of the Brown’s touchdowns were the result of Trent Richardson going coo-coo for Coco Puffs on the Bengals. I need to see a few more games like that before I’m willing to call Shurmur a genius and as always, I need to see better decisions and clock managment on his part. Having two of his stud players go off and do amazing things doesn’t make him a different coach than he has been over the past year.
I’m a bit surprised the Browns abandoned their traditional three-point offense in favor of this seven-point nonsense. How is Phil “The Leg” Dawson going to get that lifetime max contract when his value is being diminished by extra point attempts? -Phil, The golf course
I know, Phil… it was a shocking turn for the Browns yesterday. Instead of making it into the red zone and stalling in embarrassing fashion, they actually found a way to put it in the end zone three times… THREE TIMES! IN THE SAME GAME! I know Phil is one hell of a kicker and should be a Brown for life, but if the Browns are going to start winning games they’re going to need 7’s not 3’s. On a positive note, maybe kicking fewer field goals will keep Phil around even longer so he can be the best Brown of the 2010-2019 decade too. And don’t worry, no amount of touchdowns can keep me from buying a Phil Dawson jersey. It’s only a matter of time.
Weeden looked great yesterday. So much for that 5 passer rating from a week ago and the end of the world scenarios that were being tossed around by everybody all week long. That being said, while I’m glad to see Weeden bounce back, McCoy still got screwed over. Whatever… his wife is still hot and he had a song written about him. #Winning! -Colt, The dog house
Hold up… I admit that Weeden looked awful last week and Colt never really got a fair shot this offseason to win the starting job, but uhh…. Oh well. Weeden looked so much better yesterday that it actually instilled a bit of hope down in the depths of my soul. I hadn’t felt something like that since 2007 when Derek Anderson was pulling off the most fraudulent rise to QB prominence ever. I’m going to pump the brakes a bit on my expectations, but still, I like what I saw yesterday. I feel like we actually might have a chance to win a few games this year. And don’t worry Colt, with the beating Weeden has been taking in these first few games, it’s only a matter of time before you get a chance to shine… or at least try to shine.
I think everybody can stop worrying about Trent Richardson now. He was a beast yesterday. 100+ yards and 2 TD’s, both of which came in spectacular fashion… insane. He made like 45 guys miss on those two runs combined. Absolutely ridiculous. Ordinary my ass! Suck on that Rey Maualuga!!! -Trent, The penthouse
Like I already said, T-Rich was awesome. The moves he made scoring both of those touchdowns was mezmorizing. I hope the Browns front office was taking notes on what happens when you actually take the no brainer, best player available in the draft pick. Now if we could only get about 6 or 7 more guys who are just as good we’ll be set. Hey, it could happen. Dare to dream, people… Dare to dream.
How’s it feel to lose a game because of a guy everyone thought was out of the league? MAKIN’ IT RAIN!!! -Pacman, The strip club
Seriously, Adam “Pacman” Jones is still in the NFL? When did this happen? And seriously, how are you going to give up a punt return touchdown to a guy who hasn’t had a relevant NFL moment in at least 5 years? Not to mention, how are you giving up punt return touchdowns to a guy better know for making it rain in a strip club than anything else. That’s his claim to fame. I’m pretty sure he invented the term “Makin’ it rain.” unbelievable.