Desperate Times Call for Desperate Measures

As the title of today’s article would suggest, desperate times call for desperate measures Johnny Damon…

Wait… What?

I thought we all agreed that signing Johnny Damon was a pretty piss poor idea.  Surely you must be joking with me that the Indians have all but agreed to sign the 38 year old outfielder designated hitter.  So I’m just going to move on to other more important news.

What’s that?  You’re not joking?  You’re serious… the Indians are really going to sign Johnny Damon?  Well then… I guess I only have one thing left to say to you…

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Exactly...

Why are the Indians hitting the panic button after 5 games.  Sure they’re only hitting somewhere around .170 as a team, good enough for dead last in the American League, but that’s no reason to panic.  They could play great the next three game and push that up past .300.  It’s that early!

Of course this could have been avoided.  The Indians could have very well addressed the problem by signing a legitimate right handed hitting outfielder who could hit for power, like say Josh Willingham.  He hit his fourth home run of the season today.  I can not begin to express how happy I am that the Indians didn’t pursue him harder.  Now I’m going to be stuck watching Johnny Damon’s his wet noodle arm and 2 wins above replacement value run around the outfield.

Would Katniss Everdeen please come shoot an arrow through my head?  Please, end it… I’m begging you!

Come on! DO IT! Right in the ear... please

What makes this even better is that signing Damon addresses none of the problems currently facing this team.  Does anyone really want to go out on a limb and say that Shelly Duncan has been the problem so far?  He’s batting .294 in the 5 games played so far, good enough for second best on the team.  So I ask again… Why are we trying to replace Duncan with Damon?

To make matters worse, Damon bats left-handed.  The Indians already boast what might be the most left-handed heavy lineup in all of baseball so what better way to counterbalance that by adding another lefty?  Did anyone see the lineup the Indians trotted out their against Chris Sale and the White Sox on Monday?  Well this move doesn’t make that lineup any better.  Hope you all enjoy Aaron Cunningham and Jason Donald.

If anything, the most of the blame can be placed on Michael Brantley.  He’s hitting 1-17 (.059) and looks completely lost at the plate.  It’s not like he’s hitting the ball hard and getting unlucky.  He’s not hitting at all.  It’s been embarrassing.  Or better yet, what about Casey Kotchman?  His signing was touted as the missing piece.  Right.  The only thing missing is about .200 points off of his batting average.  Right now he’s at .95.

I can barely contain my excitement.

I'm so excited, I think I'll bust a move...

But what’s done is done and it looks all but certain Damon will be in Cleveland in the coming days.  It might work out.  Honestly, I hope it does.  I generally prefer to watch the Indians when they’re good.  I don’t like being angry all the time.  Really, I swear.

Just let it be know that on April 12th, 2012 I am very much against the signing of Johnny Damon.

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8 thoughts on “Desperate Times Call for Desperate Measures

  1. Hahahahahahahahahahahahaha
    I wrote about this today. I laughed. Then I wrote about it some more. And then I laughed. And then I thought about you. And now I’m here. Laughing.
    Actually, I think I’m going to drop you a link on my site. Yo know. For funsies.
    Have the BEST time with Johnny. The BEST time.

  2. Bill Simmons has this rule where if fans of the player’s old team laugh at you when you sign or trade for them, then that’s probably a bad sign. so ummm… what does it mean when you sign a guy and fans of his former team… 4 teams ago!… are openly mocking you. that’s a good sigh… right??? RIGHT???

  3. Just saw “The Office” episode that clip is from where Michael finds Toby has returned to work in Scranton. I don’t use photos on my site anymore…but while you are printing up one for TooSoxy once you are affixed in your Damon jersey and appropriately intoxicated please do forward one to my attention also. I may have to make an exception.

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