So first off, congrats to the Buckeyes! Ohio State made the Final Four on Saturday after defeating the #1 seeded Syracuse Orangemen. It’s exciting because it’s been such a God awful year for us Ohioans on the sports front. Watching Ohio State make a run through the Big Dance all the way to the final weekend is more exciting than it might normally be.
This is also exciting because the Final Four is being held in New Orleans this year, which means there will be a drastic influx of Ohioans into the city I call home. For an entire weekend the city of New Orleans will be 4000% more awesome than it normally is. You know how I know this? Because New Orleans, for all of its allure, can be a rather boring place. When Ohio State made the Sugar Bowl two years ago it was glorious. So needless to say, I’m excited.
This is the part where you scream back I! O!
Go ahead and do that, I’ll wait.
Of course, whenever something awesome happens, there’s bound to be something equally less awesome to counteract it. Because Ohio State decided to turn it on and make the Final Four, my NCAA bracket went up in flames. Most of you are probably saying, “Oh, so what?” or “What’s the big deal?”
What’s the big deal? I’ll tell you what the big deal is. for the second straight year and the 5th time in seven years I’ve lost to the Yankee Loving Fiancee in our annual one-on-one bracket wager. I swear to God, I win every single fantasy league, pick pool, and bracket challenge I enter… unless it involves her. She is the Dustin Hoffman of NCAA bracket picks. She is a true idiot savant. I mean that in the nicest most complimentary way possible. She is the Rain Man to my Barney Gumble.
You know how I know this? How else do you explain some of the ridiculous scenarios she’s picked over the years. This year’s upset specials, Norfolk St. over Missouri, Ohio University making it to the Sweet 16, and NC State upsetting San Diego State. Other upsets she’s predicted: #13 Vermont over #4 Syracuse in 2005, #14 Bucknell over #3 Kansas 2005, and she had Butler vs. Duke and Butler vs. UConn in the finals the past two years… among others.
Those are just the one’s that stand out. Trust me, there have been other, more absurd, how the hell did you pick that picks. I’d share them with you but I’ve blocked them out with a combination of alcohol and memory repression. One day my future psychiatrist is going to have a field day with all of this.
So, I’ve lost… again. Despite the fact that my champion is still alive, I am mathematically eliminated from beating her. Going into yesterday’s games the best I could have hoped for was a tie. Thanks, Harrison Barnes. My penalty for this year’s futility? A shopping spree at the mall for some new clothes. This should only cost me somewhere between $50 and $4,500. I can’t wait. Maybe if I’m lucky she can find something super awesome to wear during the national championship game. A game, that hopefully, Ohio State will be playing in.
The lesson as always, don’t bet against women.