The Government and NFL Bounties

"Gas prices? Who cares about gas prices? I got mad bank, yo. Let's talk bounties!" -Senator Dick Durbin

So… apparently the government might get involved in solving one of the real problems effecting Americans.  No, not current relations with Middle Eastern countries, or solving the national debt crisis.  Instead of focusing on something important, the government might try to tackle NFL bounties.

I’ll give you a minute to let that sink in.

No... I am not *#@%ing kidding you.

Yes, you read that right.  Congress, and more particularly Democratic Illinois Sen. Dick Durbin, wants to set up a Judiciary Committee hearing about bounties in the NFL and other major sports.  The goal of this hearing would be for Congress to determine if bounty systems such as the ones implemented by the New Orleans Saints should be a crime under federal law.

“We will have a hearing and put on the record what sports leagues and teams at the professional and collegiate levels are doing to make sure that there’s no place in athletics for these pay-to-maim bounties,” Durbin said on the Senate floor Thursday. “I want to hear the policies and practices in each of the major sports and collegiate sports that are being put in place.”

Oh, Congress… Glad to see you have your priorities straight.  You’re the best.

It would be one thing if we the people of the United States of America felt this was a legitimate problem and wanted some sort of resolution.  We don’t.  In fact, I’m pretty sure no one really cares whether or not the NFL continues to have bounties.  I mean, whether or not Jonathan Vilma successfully rips Cam Newton’s head off doesn’t put more money in my pocket, ensure equal right for everyone, or help decrease unemployment.  Now, if Congress wants to go ahead and solve those problems with a Judiciary Hearing then go for it.

Boom! goes the dynamite... and the economy

Not to get carried away here, but apparently I’m not the only person who feels like this isn’t just an epic waste of time and resources that could be spent on more important issues.  The internet blew up with people ripping into Sen. Durbin for his misguided attempt to end bounties.  Even fellow senators have chimed in saying they don’t agree with what Durbin is doing, so thank God for that.

Of course, one could argue that even though other Senators and Representatives are against Sen. Durbin’s efforts,  it’s probably because they would rather hold a Judiciary Committee hearing about their own stupid agendas.  Rumor has it these agendas include getting the Care Bears back on television, investigating why Santa Claus hasn’t paid income taxes, and making it a felony to draw a penis in a library book. You think I’m joking, but knowing our government, at least two of those are ridiculous enough to possibly be true.

"This hearing's goal is to examine the benefits of returning the Care Bears to television... except for Rainbow Bear. He's going to hell." -Right Wing Republican Senator X

The fact of the matter is that if the government is seriously going to investigate this further than we have bigger problems on our hands than just bounties in the NFL.  This isn’t what anyone wants the people we elected into office to be focusing on.  How about doing your job and fixing an America that seems to be growing more divided and more broken each and every day.  Solve the ever increasing gas prices, bring all of our troops home, and find a way to decrease the debt and strengthen the U.S. dollar. 

Simply put, get your priorities in check and do something useful for a change.

Now go back to talking about my ovaries and vagina…


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