Raw is Cleveland

Chris Jericho and the infamous "light bright" jacket... because CM Punk is awesome like that

Tonight the WWE invades the North Coast.

If you’re not excited, you probably should be.  This is the time of year when the WWE begins gearing up for one of, if not their signature event, Wrestlemania.  Basically, that means any and every Superstar and story line is in play tonight since they will all by vying for their own matches to be the marquee, must see event this year.

Unfortunately, no matter how much posturing and smack talking takes place from lesser Superstars, including Cleveland’s own The Miz and Dolph Ziggler, the prime matches for Wrestlemania are all but set.  As much as we would all love to see one of them take part in the main event, it’s just not going to happen thanks to some crafty story buildup and returns of former Superstars leading the way.

This year the four main matchups taking place will be between Shamus and Daniel Bryan for the World Heavyweight Title, CM Punk and good guy turned heel Chris Jericho for the WWE title, The Undertaker putting his 19-0 Wrestlemania record on the line against Triple H, and John Cena vs. the Rock in a match that was scheduled about a year ago.

"Hash tag Cena's lady parts..."

Basically, if you aren’t one of those 8 individuals, good luck getting any face time in the coming weeks, let alone at actual Wrestlemania.  Sorry, Santino Marella… you didn’t make the cut.

So what should fans either attending or watching at home expect tonight.  Well, supposedly John Cena and the Rock are going to have some sort of rap/rock battle show down.  It’ll probably be awful.  Why anyone wants to see that when both have been delivering spectacular promos over the past few weeks is anyone’s best guess.  Honestly, I’d much rather see the Rock talk about John Cena’s lady parts and Cena respond by making fun of The Rock’s twitter antics and writing notes on his arm.  Why ruin a good thing?  Oh wait, because it’s the WWE and that’s what they do.  Just look at every decent story line in the history of Wrestling.

Fans can also expect a fun little three-way squabble tonight between Triple H, The Undertaker and Shawn Michaels.  Michaels has attended Raw several times over the past few weeks in an attempt to egg Triple H into fighting The Undertaker.  Well, it’s going to happen, hell in a cell style no less, and tonight’s visit to the Q should serve as nothing more than to add fuel to an already raging inferno that exists between Triple H and the Undertaker.  Expect a lot of talking from this group, and I do mean A LOT.  This story has been going on for weeks and no one’s touched anyone.  Just a lot of machismo and lovingly gazing into each others eyes.

"I love you Triple H" "Right back at ya, Undertaker"

Daniel Bryan will… well, he’ll go all Daniel Bryan, get the crap kicked out of himself, run away like a coward, throw his girlfriend in the line of fire, take a boot to the face from Shamus, and then get thrown back into the ring and cry like a baby.  Because that’s basically all he’s done since becoming champ a few weeks ago.  He went from a guy fans could relate to and even like to this full-blown, obnoxious, whiny, vegan, douche bag villain.  Fans legitimately hate him, myself included.  The overacting to pass as a heel is just so bad that it makes you hate him even more.  Shamus needs to give him the High Cross and end this reign of terror already.  Please… I’m begging.

And finally, and most importantly, the WWE champ CM Punk will come out to the ring, raise the belt to the people, and then deliver a verbal evisceration of Chris Jericho.  Then Jericho will come out in his stupid light bright jacket, flap his jaw about how Punk is everything he is and used to be, and then Punk will drop another pipe bomb leaving Jericho stunned and confused about what to say.  He’ll basically turn into a blubbering idiot.  He’d probably be better off just getting beat up rather than getting into a verbal smack off.  Probably throw in some executive vice president of talent relations, interim Raw GM, and CEO of ass-kissing John Laurinaitis for good measure and it should be everything the fans want when it comes to the CM Punk story line.

The Champ

And yes, I will be watching… because I’m a total nerd like that and for reasons even unknown to myself have begun watching wrestling again on Monday nights.  Honestly I think it’s because there’s absolutely nothing else to watch on Monday nights.  I blame the other networks for sucking so bad.

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2 thoughts on “Raw is Cleveland

  1. You poor guy, Cleveland sports and awful networks have created a monster. You’re officially 12 again and obsessed with rasslin!!

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