Ok, so let’s get one thing straight. I didn’t voluntarily choose to watch the Grammy’s last night. I would have much rather preferred to watch anything else on television, within reason, instead of the Grammy’s. After all… I’m an angry, 28 year old, white male… not exactly the Grammy Committee’s target demographic. You know how I know this? Because the only musical act that I actually listen to that played any part in last night’s monstrosity is the Foo Fighters. Other than them I could really give a crap about any or all of it.
But of course, I live with a 25 year old female who watches E! News and goes to Perez Hilton 14 times a day after her totally necessary and seemingly mandatory first 20 visits to Perez Hilton every day. Needless to say… she eats this crap up with a spoon. Naturally, because I’m such a loving fiancée who takes an active interest in the interests of my partner… and because I like it better when she’s not made at me… I sat down and watched it with her, red carpet event included.
These are my take aways, in no particular order:
1. Adele… is awesome. The girl has one of those legitimately awesome voices that we only get to experience once every so often. Even though I may not be a fan of the musical genre, I can appreciate the talent she has. She deserved to win every single award she was nominated for and then some. I guess you could say that’s one of the few things the Grammy Committee actually got right. There’s also a 95% chance I’m being extra nice so that she doesn’t write an entire album dedicated to how I scorned her on the internet. It’s things like that which keep me awake at night.
2. The Foo Fighters… also awesome, but I’m torn. I love the fact that they’re holding it down and representing for a rock scene that is basically all but ignored by the Grammy Committee (again… nothing I listen to is even acknowledged to exist let alone be recognized as possibly being good). At least an actual rock band won the award for best rock album, instead of the 3 or 4 other “rock” acts that were nominated. When did folk music and an English guy who writes crappy songs to Gwyneth Paltrow on a piano become rock music? I also found it terribly ironic that Dave Grohl was in the middle of an anti-computers/anti auto tune/music comes from the heart rant when the Committee decided they had had enough of it and played him off to the masterpiece that is “Party Rock Anthem.” Have I mentioned I hate LMFAO? Adding to the irony was the same band, who about an hour earlier shunned computer generated music, performing with Deadmaus… my brain hurts.
3. The Whitney Houston tribute. Not horrible, but not necessarily great. I feel like it could have been better like say had Beyoncé not gotten done giving birth like a week or two ago to a baby girl… named Blue. Whatever. Jennifer Hudson did ok, but it prompted the following exchange between me and the Yankee Loving Fiancée
Me: “What has Jennifer Hudson ever actually done to make herself important or at least important enough to be the person chosen to give Whitney Houston’s tribute?”
Yankee Loving Fiancée: “Well she’s a diva…”
Me: “Right… So I’ll ask again. What has she ever done besides almost win American Idol, be in a movie with Beyoncé, lose a lot of weight, and endorse weight watchers?”
Yankee Loving Fiancée: “Well… she’s done plenty. Like… um… I don’t know. She’s a diva!”
Yankee Loving Fiancée: “Shut up!”
4. So… Um… Remember that one time where Chris Brown got mad and beat the crap out of Rihanna? Because I don’t think anyone associated with the Grammy’s or in the audience did. I mean, how else do you explain Chris Brown performing what seemed like every 15 minutes and accepting at least one award that comes to mind in which he gave some heart felt speech about how great the moment was and rising above everything blah blah blah. He still hit a woman. That’s a stain that doesn’t go away. I will now proceed to brace myself while Chris Brown hunts be down and beats me with his Grammy.
5. Russell Brand is an idiot. Don’t believe me? Go watch Katy Perry’s performance from last night and get back to me. Again, the man’s an idiot. On the bright side, when Katy Perry finally finishes her master plan for world domination England will be probably be wiped off the map. Cheerio!
6. Nikki Minaj. WTF? That was awful. I understand taking risks and trying to be edgy, but there’s a very distinct difference between revolutionary and stupid. That performance was mind numbingly stupid. Stop trying to be all crazy weird and trying to one up Lady Gaga and just do you. Come out, look attractive, maybe have some crazy hair going on, and spit mad rhymes at about 4000 mph. That’s what you do. Stop making a spectacle of yourself. It’s a joke. Meanwhile, speaking of Gaga, she was basically shut out last night and barely seen from. Congratulations Grammy Committee, you just shunned the most insane, attention seeking middle child of all time. Whatever stunt happens at the next major awards show is all on you. The AMA’s, VMA’a and Billboard Awards are nodding violently in agreement.
7. Did we really need a double dose of Paul McCartney? Honestly, what did he really bring to the table last night? And why on earth did they choose to close the show with him? Most everybody who is a really hardcore fan of Paul McCartney was probably in bed well before he took the stage for the closing number. Why not something energizing and exciting to close the show out with a bang and make people look forward to next year? In retrospect, it could have been worse. The Committee could have wheeled out The Beach Boys or Glen Campbell for an encore.
8. LL Cool J… Might be time for a name change. The “Cool” part isn’t really cutting it anymore. Unless of course that is in reference to the luke warm state of your career at the moment. And what’s with the hat?