First off… I’m an idiot
Second… The Ravens are really good
Third and final… The Browns are terrible, but we knew this.
Sunday’s game was an absolute joke, a mockery of all things football. We’re supposed to be able to enjoy these games. Instead, just like we are every other Sunday during the football season, we were treated to one enormous poop sandwich courtesy of the Browns. Named after Paul Brown my A$$… I think you can get where I’m going with this joke, so let’s just move on.
I can’t believe I thought the Browns offense would be able to put points on the board against the Ravens. What the hell was I thinking when I said that? 24 points? Was I high on crack? That’s the only logical explanation. I’d fire me from this job, but I can’t collect unemployment off of $0 per year annually and I don’t feel like confusing the Yankee Loving Fiance with the following exchange:
Me: So I got fired today…
Yankee Loving Fiancée: What! How? WHY? WHAT DID YOU DO!?!?! How are we going to pay the bills? I don’t make enough to cover us while you look for a job. What were you thinking? How could you be so careless? I can’t believe this…
Me: I don’t know what I was thinking. I guess I never should have said the Browns were going to score 24 points and give the Ravens a game. I really only have myself to blame. In my defense, I’ve said dumber things in my life prior to that.
Yankee Loving Fiancée: …
Yankee Loving Fiancée: … Are you trying to tell me you got fired from writing your blog? That you… fired yourself… from your own blog?
Yankee Loving Fiancée: You’re an idiot…
I know, she’s completely irrational when it comes to sports, but each of us has a fault.
Anyways, the Browns offense was awful. It wasn’t until the game was well out of hand that the Browns did anything that resembled moving the ball down field. I’ll give them credit for one thing, when it comes to padding stats in late game situations when the outcome is almost surely decided the Browns are at their best. Pretty much everything I said they needed to do offensively, they did the exact opposite. They were unable to make any kind of real dent in the running game. Thanks to the rain, the pass attack was non-existent and therefore lacked any type of creativity. It was horrendous and an embarrassment.
Not to be out done, the defense… yes, that defense that has been touted “improved” and “one of the better one’s in the league” was 100% exposed. They can’t stop the run. Phil Taylor looks like he’s hit the rookie wall. The linebackers, already lacking in speed, skill, and all things talent can’t make plays if their lives depended on it. Thankfully though, the pass defense was spot on… of course that might of had something to do with Ray Rice rushing for over 200 yards. You don’t really need to throw the ball much when you’re running the ball 20 yards per attempt or whatever it was. Hell, even Ricky Williams made an appearance.
So where do the Browns go from here. I’ll tell you where…
Pittsburgh… On Thursday.
Yep, we get to feel like this twice in the same week. We get to begin the work week pissed off and we get to end the work week pissed off. How awesome is that? Thank you NFL scheduling Gods! Seriously, how terrible is this closing stretch going to be? We already had a muffed snap to lose a game in Cincy and got mollywhomed (yes, that’s a technical term) by the Ravens. Now we get to play Pittsburgh in Pittsburgh on a short week. Great.
Our one glimmer of hope was the Cardinals in week 15, but even they’ve turned a corner and found a way to win 4 of their last 5 games. Follow that up with Baltimore and Pittsburgh again and I’m penciling the Browns in for 4-12.
Yes, the Browns will not win another game for the rest of the season.
In all honesty, it’s for the best. We need the highest draft pick possible, even if we’ll ultimately trade down to get a second-rate lineman, OR… hold on to the pick and still find a way to draft a second-rate lineman. I can barely contain my excitement. Man, I loves me some Cleveland Browns football.
Is it Opening Day yet?