The NFL Draft: Where I Lose My Mind

Welcome to Cleveland, Julio Jones. Did you gain weight?

Last night was a gauntlet of emotions.  Over the course of a few hours I went from excited, to nervous, to angry, to disappointed, back to angry, to accepting… I’m exhausted.  Thank God I don’t have female hormones.  How the hell do they function with mood swings like this?

The Browns started with the 6th overall pick.  As things began to crumble around us and every single one of our top choices fell off the board like sniper fire, I came to terms with the fact that we were getting Julio Jones.  I also was learning that I’m not a very good mock drafter.  I didn’t have a single pick right after #4.  Ouch. 

Then like an atomic bomb, Twitter blew the eff up.  There was talk of a trade, the Browns were on the clock and it was coming down to the wire.  Then Mary Kay Cabot tweeted that the Browns had traded with the Falcons to swap the 6th pick for the 27th pick…


With the 6th pick in the draft the Atlanta Falcons took Julio Jones, wide receiver, Alabama…

That Browns jersey is awfully red?


I was pissed.  We passed on the opportunity not to just take Julio Jones, but to take any type of impact player.  What were we possibly going to take at #27 overall?  I turned the television off and went out to the living room to sit and let my anger fester while the Yankee Loving Fiancée watched American Idol and mocked me.  Damn her and her rationality about how none of this really matters and that I’m an idiot for letting myself get sucked in once again.

As I sat there and watched that midget Ryan Seacrest do his thing I was having about 8 conversations between Twitter, Facebook, Instant Messenger, and text messaging.  I was like a poor man’s Adam Schefter.  What I realized is that the trade was a good thing in retrospect.  We basically raped the Atlanta Falcons, picking up 5 picks in the process.  That’s a lot of bodies for a team that desperately needed bodies.  We didn’t get a franchise star, but then again, we had just significantly improved the odds of finding one later on.

Then a strange thing happened.  Every team that went after the Browns started losing their minds reaching for players and making head scratching choices and in the process improved the Browns chances of actually taking someone decent at 27.  Things were looking up… and I was happy.  Hecket and Holmgren were working their magic.  I could feel the mojo all the way in New Orleans.

It was getting closer and closer to the Browns draft pick.  At the same time, Casey had been voted off of American Idol.  Yankee Loving Fiancée was devastated.  Within ten minutes she had moved on to Bones and drooling over David Boreanaz.  All of the sudden Twitter exploded again and my phone was blowing up.  “It’s go time!”

What?  It’s only pick 21?  Oh…  My…  God…  TRADE!

The Browns were on the clock and just like that they were taking…

Phil Taylor, defensive tackle, Baylor… Who? 
The Browns just traded down 21 picks, to trade back up 6 picks, to
That's who we drafted? What the hell!?!?!

take a guy no one in Cleveland had ever even heard of.  In fact, Google “Phil Taylor.”  All of the image results are for a professional dart player.  That’s a good sign, right?

Typical Cleveland Browns.  The more and more I read and the more I was hearing, Taylor was being regarded as a top notch run stopper.  He was being touted as the perfect fit as a run stopping nose tackle in a 3-4 defense.  Good thing the Browns are in the process of switching from the 3-4 back to the 4-3.  Oh and his Twitter profile is something like “Makin’ dat money, yo!”  I’m having visions of Gerrard “Big Money” Warren… Excuse me while I bust the gas line to the stove, stick a magazine in the toaster, and wait for the explosion.

I’m not thrilled with the pick.  How can I be when for the past two weeks I’ve been hearing about how we were getting

Oh... that's Phil Taylor

A.J. Green, Julio Jones, or Patrick Peterson.  Even Robert Quinn would have been more exciting than Phil Taylor.  The fact of the matter though is that the Browns need defensive line help, need to be able to stop the run, and need bodies.  With the trade and one pick so far, it’s apparent that the Browns are looking at addressing those issues.  It’ll be interesting to see where the Browns go today when they have the #37 and #59 overall picks, both in the second round.  In the meantime, I’m going to sit back, relax, and listen to all of the classic Browns fan overreaction to last night.

The NFL Draft… making memories one frustrating move at a time.


2 thoughts on “The NFL Draft: Where I Lose My Mind

  1. Browns definitely got the better end of this deal. Hopefully Holmgren, (unlike Belichick) uses these picks next year instead of pointlessly hoarding picks that he never uses

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