The Smack-Off 2011

Thanks to unforeseen circumstances beyond my control I was unable to prepare or write anything early this morning.  Things just kept snowballing and I never got a solid hour to brainstorm and write.  Plus, nothing interesting had really happened between yesterday afternoon and this morning.  Sure, I could have went on and on about how the Cavs suck some more, or wrote an article about the NBA in general, but I just didn’t feel like it.

Then I realized that the 17th annual Smack-Off was this afternoon on the Jim Rome Show.  I tuned in for the entire 3 hours and believe me… it did not disappoint at all. 

For anyone who doesn’t know what the Smack-Off is, allow me to explain.  Rome whole heartedly believes that the lone problem with his show, or any show for that matter, are the callers.  They’re unpredictable, they’re not smart, and they tend to drag down the quality of the show.  Every so often he gets a decent call and rewards the caller by “racking them” aka, saving the call for later.  Seventeen years ago, Rome decided to hand out personal invites to all of his best callers and hand the show over to them.  Their call was their time to talk about and “lay down smack” on anything and anyone they wanted.  The winner, decided by Rome and the crew won the title of Smack-Off King and had bragging rights for the next 365 days.  Seventeen years later, the Smack-Off has become the most popular and important show of the year, so much so that this year odd’s makers were taking bets on potential winners.  Yes… it’s that big of a deal.

Now that you’re all caught up, let’s see what happened…

The calls were all solid and some truly amazing smack talk was laid down.  How Rome and the rest of the XR4TI Crew were able to determine a top 10 is beyond me.  I was struggling to figure one out for myself.  Each call progressively got better and better.  Old school was taking on the new school.  Personal vendettas were being settled once and for all.  It was ruthless and cold-blooded from the get go.

The highlight of the show for me was the back and forth between Jay Mohr and the defending champ, Vic in No-Cal.  Mohr laid down a verbal assault unlike anything I had ever seen calling out Vic as a nobody and self glossing prima donna.  He compared is own accolades, google search results, and Wikipedia page to Vic’s… well Vic’s got nothing.  Mohr is a “ticket seller,” Vic is a “ticket buyer.”  Vic countered with the typical fat jokes, Jerry MaGuire cracks, and cancelled TV show smack.  However, the clincher was Vic pulling a David Caruso, “Less really is Mohr…” and ending with the theme from CSI Miami.  Both Vic and Mohr were great and if this was all about taking the kill shot, one of the two might have won.  Just like Rome said, they weren’t in it to win it.  They were in it for blood and it showed in the results.

Other highlights were Mike in San Diego, the same Mike in San Diego who laid an epic post Giants World Series phone call, abandoning his typical stoner mantra and taking a run at the champ, a pissed off Israel (my dark horse going into the Smack-Off) going into hyperspeed and ranting like he’s never ranted before, and Brad in Corona going after the crown he lost in 2010 and attempting to verbally assassinate Vic with an onslaught of jokes, burns, and even a jeopardy blast aimed at pretty much every single one of the favorites.

There were also a few surprises in the 2011 Smack-Off.  Jeff in Richmond, the champ from 2002, came back to The Jungle out of nowhere to lead off the Smack-Off.  After his call it looked like he might have enough to run the table and take the crown from the get go.  Then everyone else started calling and made him a distant memory.  Two-time champ, Iufrate, returned and once again laid it down for the old-school and digging into all of the new school clones and their played out, scripted takes and smack.  Then of course there was Mike in Indy looking to get over the hump after two straight years of finishing in second place.

To be quite honest… I’m glad I didn’t have to judge this thing.  It was that close.

The results of the show were as follows.

  1. Brad in Corona
  2. Steve Carbona
  3. Iufrate
  4. Vic in No-Cal
  5. Dan in D.C.
  6. Jay Mohr
  7. Mike in Indy
  8. Mike in San Diego
  9. Israel
  10. Joe in O.C.

Brad in Corona!  He deserved it.  You could tell for weeks that he was still pissed about losing his crown to Vic in No-Cal last year.  His phone call blasting Vic a few weeks ago was proof positive that the man was out for blood and he did not disappoint.  It’s his second title in three years and firmly establishes him as the king of all callers to the Jim Rome Show.  The call was amazing and well formulated and thought out.  He deserved to win it.  Well done, Brad… well done.


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